Are You the Leader No One Tells the Truth?

Ever worked for a leader who says all the right things? They may seem open, positive, and supportive on the surface. However, no one actually tells them the truth.

Why does that happen?

Could you be that leader?

I’ve seen this dynamic unfold more than once. The leader truly believes things are going well. They think the team loves them. They feel respected, admired, even magnanimous. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, the team is holding back, carefully filtering what they say. The truth gets buried in side conversations and “after-the-meeting” meetings.

This breakdown creates tension. Doubt. Even resentment. Over time, the team starts to doubt the leader’s ability to lead. They don’t do this because they’re malicious. It’s because trust has silently eroded. The higher up the chain you go, the worse it gets. Soon, the culture shifts. People stop offering honest perspectives and default to “bobblehead mode”, nodding yes while thinking no.

Why? Because it’s safer to stay quiet.

The message becomes clear: don’t rock the boat, don’t share concerns, don’t challenge ideas. Just smile, agree, and move along.

It’s not always about the leader doing something big which breaks trust. Often, it’s the small, repeated behaviors that build up over time. Things like:

• Showing up late to 1:1s or canceling them often
• Agreeing with your boss publicly, even when your team knows you disagree
• Making promises you don’t keep, big or small
• Withholding feedback or only giving it when things go wrong
• Speaking about team members behind their backs instead of to their face
• Using buzzwords instead of real language
• Sugarcoating, deflecting, or blaming

Whether we realize it or not, our team is always reading between the lines.

What are they afraid of?
According to Inc. Magazine’s “8 Fears That Prevent Honest Employees From Telling Managers the Truth,” here’s what holds people back:

• Fear of being judged for past mistakes
• Fear of being punished for not being “on board”
• Fear of offending a colleague
• Fear of being excluded by the team
• Fear it will waste time and nothing will change anyway
• Fear of being devalued or dismissed
• Fear it’s just not emotionally safe
• Fear of revealing they don’t have all the answers

And these fears aren’t unfounded. Most of us have experienced at least one of these in the workplace. You yourself might experience these fears.

What can you do?

Start with this simple truth: people don’t trust words, they trust behavior. You may say you want honesty, but if your actions tell a different story, people will follow the actions.

A few self-check questions:

• Am I showing up when I say I will?
• Do I make space for dissenting opinions and protect people who offer them?
• Do I give timely, balanced, and direct feedback?
• Do I model authenticity, or do I wear a professional mask?
• Do I speak with respect both up and down the chain?
• Has my team witnessed me going to bat for ideas and people to those above me?

Leadership is hard. It’s human. We all slip up sometimes. Trust is built (or broken) in everyday moments that we can control.

Want to be the leader people tell the truth to? Earn that truth. Over and over again.

Amanda has over 25 years of experience in learning and development, employee engagement, and recruiting. She is the author of personal development workbooks which you can check out here: https://hg-people.com/bookshelf/