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When Speaking Up Feels Like a Problem

Ever feel like you’re in that old Sesame Street song, “One of these things is not like the other”?

You come into a meeting expecting collaboration and critical thinking. You share a frustration or a contrary idea and the air shifts.

You feel it in your body. There is a tightness in your chest. You start second-guessing yourself. You scan the room for someone who “gets what you’re trying to share.” Silence follows, and suddenly, it feels like you did something wrong.

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What’s Happening Here?

There are many reasons this dynamic can unfold, here’s one possibility:

You’re operating from a culture of open dialogue and psychological safety. The people in the room? They are used to hierarchy, face-saving, and unspoken agreement.

In environments like these, what you see as clarity can be experienced by others as confrontation.

In some workplaces, disagreement is a sign of engagement.
In others, it’s seen as disrespect.

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Self-Awareness Without Self-Blame

When this happens, reflection helps, but not the kind that turns into self-silencing. Consider these questions:

• Am I operating from values that are not shared here?
• Is candor the problem or is the power dynamic uncomfortable for them?
• Do I feel like I need to shrink to survive here?
• Did I misread the room, did the room misread me, or both?

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Three Paths Ahead

1. Edit Yourself

Build trust strategically, but be aware of the cost.

• Pro: You may earn credibility over time and then shift the tone.
• Con: Long-term self-editing can lead to burnout, inauthenticity, or bottled-up frustration.

2. Change the Environment

Lead by example, but be patient.

• Pro: You can raise the standard by staying aligned with your values.
• Con: This takes time, buy-in, and political capital. Some cultures resist change, especially from “new voices.”

3. Reframe the Interaction

Stay clear without creating defensiveness.

Try tools like:

• Asking clarifying questions instead of direct challenges.
• Using reflective language: “It sounds like expectations may have shifted. Can we pause and realign?”
• Inviting input rather than asserting your view: “Would it be helpful if I shared what I’m seeing from my angle?”

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Even If You’re Not the Problem, You Might Be the Trigger

You may not be wrong in the situations, but you might be seen as a disruptive. That doesn’t mean you should stop speaking up. It means you should be conscious and intentional.

Discomfort is often the entry point to growth and change. Sometimes, being the bull just means you’re the first one to notice the China was already cracked.

For a heart that desires growth and understanding, this workbook can help: The Self-Acceptance Journal: 30 Days of Self-Love, Reflection, and Renewal: A Guided Workbook

Amanda has over 25 years of experience in learning and development, employee engagement, and recruiting. She is the author of personal development workbooks which you can check out here: https://hg-people.com/bookshelf/