A thought rambled through my mind (not uncommon) that books should start on page 100 because none of us come to a story empty. When we open a book, we bring our own first 100 pages. We bring our experiences, beliefs, assumptions, and past which shape how we interpret every word.

The same thing can happen when we meet people. We don’t meet them as they are. We meet them through the lens of who we’ve been.

We can inadvertently overlay our “first 100 pages” onto them, even without realizing it. That’s where first impressions come in.

We tend to trust them. But it’s worth asking: What are first impressions actually accurate about?

• Someone’s hobbies or surface level preferences? Sometimes.
• Their trustworthiness? Maybe, but often filtered through our own past experiences.
• Their ability to collaborate, grow, or lead? Much harder to judge in a moment.

What we’re reacting to isn’t just them. It’s the interaction between who they are and what we’ve already written in our own story. If we’re not careful, we can mistake familiarity for reality.

Someone reminds us of a past colleague, and we assume similar strengths or flaws. Someone communicates differently than we do and we label it as a gap instead of a difference.

What if, instead of assuming we’re reading page one of their story, we reminded ourselves:
“I’m already on page 100 of mine.”

That reframe creates space:

• To stay curious a little longer
• To ask one more question
• To delay judgment just enough to see more clearly

We like to believe we’re good judges of character. Research says we’re… selectively good. e can read confidence in seconds. Trust? Values? How will someone actually show up over time? That takes longer and we’re often wrong. So maybe the real question isn’t: “Is my first impression right?”

It’s: “Which part of this impression is them and which part is my first 100 pages?”

Understanding doesn’t come from pretending we don’t have biases, it comes from recognizing that we do. Then, choosing, intentionally, not to let our first 100 pages write someone else’s story.