“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt
“Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.” Jordan Petersen
“Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are an original. We are all different and it’s okay.” Joyce Meyer

Most of us have heard and absorbed the idea that comparison is harmful. Is that actually true?

I’ve held, heard and shared the notion that comparing oneself to others is a “bad” thing. So, I wanted to dig into that thought. Turns out that it can be detrimental. It also turns out it can be helpful, depending on our frame for that comparison.

In this article, the author shares that there are three types of comparisons:

1. Upward
2. Downward
3. Lateral

The author goes on to explain that upward comparison is looking at those who are considered ahead of us. Downward comparison examines those behind us. Lateral comparison involves our peers.

Why know this? Because there is some evidence showing that comparison, when we think, “I can do that too” can actually be helpful. The type of comparison that gets more of the social hype is the kind where we think, “Ugh, I hope she fails!” when measuring ourselves against someone else. The I-can-do-it-too type of framing, however, can be motivating.

Understanding these types helped me recognize how my own comparisons shape my beliefs.

One example of falling into the negative side of comparison: In my twenties, I believed money was like a big pie. Everyone had to fight for their slice. When I saw a person with money or a fancy car I wanted, it seemed like they were getting more than their fair share. It felt like I needed to fight for more of what was left of that one pie.

I remember the moment I learned, decided to believe, or reframed this idea. I was driving down a small road in my neighborhood. The sun was just coming up, and I thought about the pie. I thought about what I had heard authors like Wayne Dyer and others say, that there isn’t just one pie. That we can all earn money. That a “rich” person having money does not stop me from earning money. It doesn’t stop me from having things I want.

It was a new frame for my belief around money: there isn’t just one pie. Money is broader than that.

To help myself develop the new belief, whenever I saw someone with something I wanted, I would cheer them on. I would say, “Yes! Congratulations on having that! You look good in that! You go, girl! That is awesome!” or any other positive comment I could think of. Obviously, if someone was with me, I chose to do this in my mind. If I was alone, I would actually say it out loud.

It became fun. Sometimes I would add, “I am looking forward to having that too!” Changing that frame was freeing. I feel lucky that I realized this in my twenties. It freed my mind to go after things in a new way, and it released some pressure. I am now almost 50 and still cheer people on in my mind when something good shows up.

I’m sharing this because it can be helpful to understand how you choose to compare. If you can reframe any negative comparisons you’re making, in the very least, you’ll feel better. In the most, you’ll feel and do better.

Next time you feel that sting of comparison ask yourself, “Is there a way to turn this into a ‘me too’ moment instead of a ‘why not me’ moment?”

Check out the article “The Hidden Power of Social Comparison” by Nir Eyal. Learn more about comparison and tips on how to approach it.

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