Early in your career, it’s easy to believe other people have the answers.

• A manager’s praise tells you you’re doing well.
• A missed opportunity tells you you’re not ready.
• A colleague’s opinion becomes proof of who you are.

Over time, you can start measuring yourself through everyone else’s reactions. The problem is that other people are giving you a perspective; theirs. They do not give you your identity.

Here are a few reminders:

1. Feedback is information, not a definition of who you are

A conversation about your work is about a moment, a skill, or an outcome. It is not a measurement of your entire worth.

2. Pay attention to when you’re changing yourself to be accepted

Learning how to work with different people is a valuable skill. Changing your values, personality, or voice to gain approval is something different.

3. Create your own definition of success

Ask yourself:

• Did I learn?
• Did I contribute?
• Did I act in a way I respect?

Those questions build confidence that lasts longer than outside approval.

4. Remember that everyone sees a different version of you

Your manager sees your work.
Your friends see parts of your life.
Your family sees another side.

None of them see the whole picture.

At some point, you have to pick up the mirror yourself, not because other people’s opinions don’t matter, but because yours should matter too.

This message is about the journey from looking outward for validation to learning how to see yourself more clearly from the inside out. The song “Mirrors” explores building a stronger sense of who you are from the inside out. #musicforthemessage

Additional Reading:

• Collective Illusions by Todd Rose
• Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
• The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth
• Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong
• Plays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong
• The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life
• Leaders Eat Last

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